Sophomore year

Before starting this end-of-the-year reflection I had trouble finding the words to describe the tremendous amounts of change, development, and learning that took place throughout this past school year. I wrote, and rewrote, the beginning of my reflection, but could never get it to tell the story I had in my head. I think it was difficult because this year was more than just a school year, it was a year of firsts, a year of mistakes, a year that built me up and broke me down, but nevertheless, a year of growth. 

When this past year began I felt… behind. I was a sophomore in college expected to understand, at the very least, the basics. Where my classes were, what dining halls were the best, the quickest routes from one class to the next, etc…; but that wasn't the case for me and thousands of others in my class. Unlike the students previously enrolled at The University of Cincinnati, we didn’t have the opportunity to learn the basics during our freshman year. We didn't get to explore campus, try new restaurants, build close relationships, or even sit in classrooms during our freshman year because of COVID-19. Though we as a society had made great strides in getting past COVID-19 by the time my sophomore year had begun, its effects were still very present in my day-to-day life at college. I had to learn, as if I were a first-year student, where my classes were being held, how to properly behave in a college classroom environment, and how to adapt to a now in-person style of learning. Going from doing everything from making friends, taking all my classes, and eating all of my meals in a 12x12 dorm room to throwing myself into the ‘true’ college experience of on-campus classes, hundreds of interactions a day, and the ability to engage with my professors was not only a big change but a scary one. I walked into the first in-person class of my entire college career feeling anxious, unprepared and overwhelmed. 

As the weeks went on and my new school routine began to feel normal, easier, and organized, I gained more confidence. I began to make new friends, people I had never spoken to a few weeks prior became some of my closest acquaintances. Simultaneously, those I had considered close in the previous year had begun to drift away as they slowly became the kind of acquaintances you only see in passing. This kind of beginning and ending of relationships taught me many things. First, adult friendships can be fluid, beginning and ending for what seems to be no clear reason, but this isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes compatibility comes from how often you’re around someone, how similar your hobbies are, or what kind of companionship you need at that moment. Secondly, the world keeps spinning. Whether you're happy, or sad, or stressed, or heartbroken; the world keeps spinning. You can either choose to shut down and let that fact eat at you, or you can choose to take things as they come and move with them. Lastly, we as humans are forever changing. I am not the person I was last year, last month, or even yesterday. Every day brings a new set of opportunities that allow every one of us to forge our own paths and create our own identities. 

These lessons that I learned early in the year would prove to impact me throughout its entirety. As I finished my first semester I looked around at everything I had accomplished, all the high highs and low lows, and everything and everyone that surrounded me. The first semester of this year had felt like a foundation. My first time going to class, my first time taking notes from a whiteboard and not a computer screen, and my first time balancing work, school, and social life. These firsts helped me build the confidence and personal security that allowed me to excel during my second semester. 

By the time January had rolled around it was almost time to start again, but this time felt different. I didn’t feel behind, unprepared, or overwhelmed. I felt…ready, maybe even too ready. I decided that this was my semester and I was going to get as much out of it as I possibly could. I, against all odds, flourished while taking 19 credit hours a week, working two jobs for 25 hours a week, volunteering for 2 hours a week, interning with the Ohio Innocence Project for 3 hours a week, and somehow managing to squeeze some time for socializing and sleep in there somewhere. At this point, I had also just joined the Univerity Honors Program and was working on progressing through those requirements as well. I know that, on paper, the schedule I just mentioned may seem crazy, overwhelming, and cluttered, but while in my seminar for UHP, we learned a lot about identity and I learned so much about my own. 

To others having a schedule packed to the brim is their personal hell, but in my case, it’s one of the only ways I can thrive. I’m a doer, an achiever, someone who always likes to be moving. After learning and accepting this about myself I was able to grow more than I ever had in the past. Taking 19 credit hours taught me self-discipline and the importance of organization, working as a server taught me great people skills, working for a marketing group taught me a lot about effective modes of communication, volunteering at the 86 gave me a true sense of community and taught me how to engage with all different kinds of people, and interning with the Ohio Innocence Project helped me figure out what kind of law based career I would like to focus on. These experiences, and many others, have shaped and molded me into the friend, scholar, and overall human being that I am today. 

So, when asked in what ways I have personally grown this year, in what ways I have demonstrated resilience, and how I have utilized resources to hold myself accountable and continue to grow, my answer is simple: I just keep going. I learned that growth isn’t really a choice. You can claw and grasp for the past but the only thing any of us are promised is right now, and realizing that is proof enough that I have grown. I have shown resilience by continuously pushing myself through hours and hours of tasks each week and realizing that each time I fell I would get up stronger. I realize that I have written much more than necessary, but I felt that in order to properly reflect on this past year, I had to explain where I began, where I ended, and what I learned along the way. So, to try and keep this as short and sweet as possible, I learned a lot, I grew a lot, and I realized that it’s all going to work out because that's really all it can do, one way or another.